Come again?

On a family trip back from Vermont, the kids asked: "How much hours til we get home?", to which Cheryl told them that we would get there much faster if they'd go to sleep, elaborating that it's just like Christmas when she tells them that the faster they fall asleep, the faster Santa will come, which got me to thinking how unlike that is from most men, who, the faster they come, the faster they fall asleep.

Over-the-Hillary

I had decided that I couldn't support Hillary for fear that if she won the nomination she might not win the Presidential election. Now I've decided I can't support her for fear she might actually win the Presidential election.

Besides, I have a hard time voting for anyone for whom Rupert Murdoch has held fund-raisers.

Maybe they were on to something after all

News Item: PRINCETON, N.J. (AP) — The extrasensory perception lab at Princeton University will be shuttered at the end of the month. The Princeton Engineering Anomalies Research laboratory will close after 28 years of studying ESP and telekinesis.

If they had asked me, I could have told them this would happen.

Anyways, how comes this makes me want institutionalized?

Linguistic words or phrases that make me cringe:
- anyways
- how comes
- leaving out the infinitive "to be" as in "My car needs washed"
- This doesn't bother me as much, but my buddy Mike goes nuts whenever anyone says something is ironic, since 90+% of the time they are using the word incorrectly, which I, of course, find ironical.

Does this mean I'm always happy or always unhappy?

When I'm asleep in bed, and the alarm goes off, I don't want to wake up.
Once I wake up, I don't want to get out of bed.
When I'm out of bed and in the shower, I don't want to get out of the shower.
When I'm ready to leave for work, I don't want to leave my family.
When it's the end of the day at work, and I'm the only one still here, it's hard for me to leave.
Once I leave, I can't wait to get home to see my family.
Once I'm home, and have been around the little kids for too long, I can't wait til they're in bed.
When they're in bed, and the time is mine, I don't want to go to bed.
Once I go to sleep...

...and furthermore...

Have you ever come and gone?!

But then how do you explain a hermaphrodite?

I went to get my drivers license picture taken the other day...like two months late, and they asked me if I wanted to be an Organ Donor. After checking yes, I found myself wondering why anyone wouldn't want to be one, like, what's the downside.

Maybe some people who believe in reincarnation think that if you donate your eyes, you'll be reincarnated as a blind person?

And will these things get you In Shape?!

Have you ever:
- come up with something off the top of your head?
- pulled something out of your ass?
- kept a stiff upper lip?
- been armed to the teeth?
- rolled your eyes?
- kept your nose to the grindstone?
- kept your eyes peeled?
- had your knees buckle?
- watched your mouth?
- kept your eye on the ball?
- worn your heart on your sleeve?
- tried to put words in someone's mouth?
- stood on principle?
- said something that fell on deaf ears?
- softened your stance?
- toed the line?
- been up in arms?
- or (my favorite) have you ever come into your own?!