First, shoot the lawyers, then send guns and money

I recently encountered an old schoolmate, who was 4 years or so behind me in high school. I don't remember a great deal of interaction with him, but when I saw him last, he was a painfully shy 8th grader, whom I went out of my way to say hi to because I could see me in him as a shy kid, trying to find someone/anyone to so much as send a friendly nod my way.

When I approached him last night, he stuck out his hand with a smile, said "Hi Jamie", then stood up and said “How’s it going your way?” to which I said "Great", to which he said “so how’s it going your way?”, to which I said something along the lines of "It couldn't be going any better, how about you?" So after that discomforting start, we lapsed into small talk for a few minutes during which he constantly looked around the room as if he was waiting the arrival of someone more far important than me, while checking his blackberry or some equivilent handheld electronic device.

He wore a silk-ish grey suit and a patterned light purple tie with loafers and no socks and moved like a quintessential lawyer, which he is, all stiff, like he hadn’t so much as bent over in 30 years, except to take a dump.

And there he was, just exactly what we all wanted to make sure we never became when we got to this age.

If anyone reading this ever sees me in a grey suit with a purple tie and loafers but no socks, checking a random handheld electronic device, consider this my living will - shoot me then and there and do not resuscitate and you will have done me and society at large, tho not necessarily my family, a great service, which isn't to say I would do that to him, because I'm not judging. Oh no, I would never do that.