Get me re-write

OK, upon viewing my last two posts, the two directly below this one, it seems like maybe I should have had a different subject line on the lower one, so it doesn't look like the two are related, so to speak, in any way! I'll look into it.

And sometimes I just don't like the answers I give myself

I guess I found the answer to my previous question about which kind of pain I'd rather do away with, but I wish I hadn't figured it out this way. My (first-) cousin (-once-removed), Laura, died on Sunday. They found her dead in her apartment in Denmark where she was on an off campus program of some sort.

Even though I thought of Laura as sort of a generally sad person, not happy enough with herself, or content with her attributes, every image I have of her in my mind is with the biggest of smiles, always with a glow, just enjoying the scene she was a part of, enjoying the people she was with. But then, every time I was with her, she was with her family, and she clearly loved them very much. She seems like she would have been a good person to have as a friend - loyal, a good listener, low-maintenance, always looking for the humor in things...like a lot of us McVickar-types, of which she was one, tho her last name was Schaefer.

She emailed me a few months ago from Denmark, and here is what she wrote:

"Jamie & Co.,Don't cancel Big TG on my account! I do understand your reasoning, though. Part of me is a little relieved -- since I would have missed it anyway, I'm a little glad I won't be missing out on great big family fun! It's a Friday night here and, normally, that would involve partying (I did get drunk for the very first time [of my life] last night... I am quite entertaining when intoxicated) -- however, I am, sadly, sick. I've got the snifflies and the coughs and I'm losing my voice... I must say, it's extremely annoying. It's nice to have a bit of an excuse for a reprieve from social life 24/7, as, over the past year and a half, I've gotten pretty used to having nearly no social life. Big change from there to here! Sometime I'll tell you all about IPC. I need to go back to sleep soon (I'm just waiting for this damn sneeze to finally appear... it's tickling my nose and teasing me but not giving me the satisfaction of a sneeze!), but let me tell you: IPC? Is amazing. It's an amazing experience. Earlier today I talked to one of my teachers (the drama and choir teacher, so he's seen my vulnerable side) about my experiences at Colby and my anxiety and such... a bit of an explanation, I guess? By the end of our talk, we shared a nice hug. I'm already much more outgoing than I ever was at Colby or than I've ever really been in my life, as, out of 50+ students, I feel completely comfortable with about 45 of them. I was telling Mom and Dad that, already, after less than a month here, I can't imagine leaving these people. That they've all affected my life and become important to me... and I definitely won't want them to leave at the end of the term (I say 'them to leave' as I'm going to be staying for a second term). It's truly impressive. Anyway, much more later. I encourage you (and Cheryl, definitely) to respond. Ask questions, give me info about Ev and Elissa and the young'uns and Ammar... also, I'm sure you probably don't have time, but I encourage letters/packages. Packages are a bit much to ask, I know, but hearing one's name at mail call in the morning is wonderful. Here's my address:Laura SchaeferInternational People's CollegeMontebello Alle 13000 HelsingorDENMARKFinally, please, go make an account at http://www.flickr.com/. I have an account (ldougers) -- Dad and K8've signed up as well. Friend me or email me with your account name and I'll add you as family... and you can see my pictures. I'm slowly but surely putting up pictures I have on my computer. Eventually, I'm sure, I'll get up pictures from last Thanksgiving. Anyway, yeah, that's it for now. I've just gotten hiccups and I'd better try to steer them away. Like cattle. Annoying, annoying cattle. Much, much love! Laura"

...which she quickly followed with:

"PS (I suppose): Does one steer cattle? Or herd it? You herd sheep and steer cattle, yes? I like sheep so I'd say my hiccups aren't sheep. But I like cows, too. Anyway, I was concentrating on this steering/herding phenomenon and now said hiccups have been steered. Or herded. Whatever. PPS: If you couldn't tell that I'm exhausted and rather ill before, then you can now, right? ...right. PPPS: Love!"

This was my very unfortunate reply:

"Hi Laura - I am SO behind on emails. I'll catch (sic) with you one of these days. Great to hear you're having a good time tho.- Jamie"

Not even so much as a "Love, Jamie" ...and here it is 2 months later and I never did reply, dammit. What an asshole. But who's hurt most by my ignorance? Me...I hope.

Oh yeah, the answer to my question is I'd rather never feel physical pain again. The pain I've felt this week feels good...appropriate, like Laura deserves my feeling this much pain, not that she'd want me to, but because if I just thought "Ah, darn the luck." and moved on, it wouldn't have been the right reply. There's some inexplicable solace in the pain I've felt all week.

I'm glad I got to know you these past few years, Laura. Thanks for always brightening my life, when ever you were in it. Love, Jamie

Unless she's really into incest, then it would work the same

It strikes me that there's no better example of the difference between men and women than how they break up. A girl, wanting to do it in the nicest possible way, tells the guy that he thinks of him more of as a brother, and wants to remain friends. There is nothing worse you can say to a guy. All the guy hears is that he's ugly, and worse, that he's lousy in bed.

If a girl really wants to be nice, she'd say she's breaking up with him even though the sex is the best she's ever had, but she just can't get over what an asshole the guy is. A guy would leave that conversation on cloud nine, pumping his fist and telling his buddies all about it.

The way a guy breaks up with a girl? He stops calling her or taking her calls. Ever the more thoughtful of the genders.

other than that we're lots of fun!

Who changes more between the ages of 14 and 30 - males or females? And I don't mean in terms of appearance.

(decide before you read further...)

Most people I know say males, but I disagree. I don't think guys change from the time they're 14 til pretty much the time they die. Girls change more b/c at age 14 they think guys are really cool and mysterious and as loving and thoughtful as they are, but by age 30 they pretty much realize most of us are jerks, more interested in sports, beer, and food than just about anything else.

Well, except playing with ourselves...while we watch sports and drink beer and eat hoagies.

hypothetical

If you had a choice between never again feeling physical pain or mental pain the rest of your life, which would it be?

Don't ask

Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean they want to hear the answer.

And OK, Sher, just for you...but with a twist...often the main reason a person asks you something is in hopes you'll ask them the same question.

But sometimes they drive you crazy too

It's been my experience that a woman's driving ability mirrors the amount of fun she'll be...in bed. Something to do with wild abandon and taking chances maybe.

And I wonder what other kinds of abandon there are? Can you do something with measured abandon, or calm abandon?

Was lost but now am a piece of white cardboard?

OK, so I've been away from this for awhile. I think the Interconnectedness thing threw me off my game, so I'm going to let it go, tho I did have such a moment last week when first I was opening a Reese's Cup and appreciating the simple pleasure of the little white cardboard thingamajig they put in the packaging, and then Satuday night when Paul and Suma were over for dinner, we were talking of the joys of chocolate mixed with peanut butter and Cheryl mentioned how upsetting it is that they don't put the little white cardboard thingamajig in the packaging anymore! What?! But I...It was...I just saw...(insert Twilight music here).

Anyway, I have a list of stuff to write about, so I'll try to add one thing a day. I guess this was it for today, tho I didn't plan it to be.