Well could I have her viagra instead of the baked beans then?

I'm wondering if the comment posted by an anonymous blogger (spammer) to my post (poorly) entitled: "People I know, who I wish would start a blog" is advice to me so I spend less time thinking about other people, or advice to the people on my list.

It also sounds like one of the few Monty Python skits I ever liked..."Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg, viagra and spam; egg bacon viagra and spam; egg bacon viagra sausage and spam; spam viagra bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam viagra spam bacon viagra and spam; spam sausage viagra spam spam viagra bacon spam tomato viagra and spam."

Won't stop me from trying regardless

One needs only to flip through the channels one time after midnight to quickly the realize that not only are many people's brains not wired the same way as yours , but that they never will be, no matter how hard you try to re-wire them from the outside.

Advice to my kids...or something I need to remind myself all too often

This post isn't meant to be funny or cute, but it's advice to my kids, in case this blog outlives me.

Being of the Paul McVickar gene, there's a good chance the older they get, the harder time they'll have biting their tongues when confronted with some sort of injustice, whether it's on the grand political stage, or just in their personal lives, even in some personal interaction they've had with someone, particularly if they feel they've been offended or wronged in some way.

I have two suggestions for how to respond to someone when you feel a nasty response coming from within, and these aren't interchangeable, but they are easily identifiable as to when it's appropriate to utilize them.

The first is for when someone is acting in a way you don't understand or agree with, and you think they know it. As my dad used to say to us kids..."Do what you feel is right." It simply puts the onus on someone to draw from their basic goodness and communicates so aptly that you trust them to make wise and loving decisions without your having to talk them into it.

The second is most appropriate when someone writes or says something where you have great opportunity to really lay them out, really blast them for whatever they said, when you know that as good as it would feel to give it right back to them, you know it won't advance the dialogue and will most likely only inflame things. It is, again simply, "You can be right or you can be Love."

So perfect.

And now that I've matured physically, I can make them last much longer...like 6-7 seconds!

This is one of those things where I don't know whether it's really impressive or really unfortunate. I heard recently that the average dream only lasts 3 seconds. For some reason, well, because this is the way I think, it made me think of wet dreams...and how, as I say, sad it is, or impressive, that a boy can reach orgasm so quickly.

Maybe teenage girls shouldn't be so upset when their boyfriend can "only" last a minute or two, they should be impressed they can hold on so long.

Not saying the reasons aren't the same in each case, though.

When someone asks the same exact question twice in a short period of time, they fall into one of two categories:

1 - If it's because they forgot that they asked the question in the first place, it's because they have some form of frontal lobe dementia.

2 - If it's because they remember asking the question, but didn't listen to the answer, it's because they are a guy.

Only after we had that out of the way did we have time to discuss the merits of bilateral nuclear disarmament

I can quickly think of three things that I thought happened to me alone that friends of mine have, in the course of conversation, told me have happened to them them as well:

1 - Walked into a room and forgotten why they came in.
2 - Taken a shower and half way into it, forgotten whether or not they had washed their hair yet. (So sad.)
3 - (This is my favorite) Drinking a cup of coffee over the course of a morning, but being aware, without even thinking of it, that you still have one last swallow of coffee left in your mug, and if someone were to find your mug and empty it to put it in the dishwasher, you get this terribly empty feeling, like you just said goodbye to a close friend, whom you won't see again for a long, long time...well, at least until your next cup of coffee.

Read the one below this first

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to post the other one...I wrote a semi-long lost friend a facebook post about our lives back in our twenties, mentioning my friend Dennis whom she dated and who died a few years back, and she wrote back "What you sent is truly a gift — a look back at a time and a place when things were ripe, and all seemed possible." She's a writer, can you tell? And a really awesome one.

But upon thinking about it further, I thought, No, back then, all things seemed Impossible. NOW all things seem possible...or at least all the things I'd really want to do. Or maybe my list of things I'd want to do has narrowed. Or maybe I've done many of the things I wanted to do back then. Or maybe I'm just thinking in terms of women.

Or maybe if I worked at it as hard as I've been thinking about it...

I've often thought of starting a website called aphorisms.com. It would be a compilation of aphorisms - truisms about the things in life we learn as we grow old. Not about life necessarily, but about practical things too. Like, the easiest example that everyone knows: What are the 3 things most important in determining the value of real estate - location, location, location. But there are many others having to do with so many things, of course none of them are currently popping into my head. They could have to do with sailing, cooking, drinking (wine before liquor, never sicker? I can never remember that one!)

But along those lines, I've heard two things in the past few days that probably fit into those categories that I just don't agree with. Something I've heard many, many times and was repeated by a friend on Sunday afternoon when we were giving relationship advice to some 20-something year olds: "Marriage takes a lot of hard work. You have to work hard at it every day." I immediately thought, but for once, didn't say, I don't work hard at my marriage! And then as I've thought about it more, I thought, Wait, does that mean I have a bad marriage? Or does the person who said that have a bad one? Does Cheryl work hard at it? And what does that say about me if she has to work hard at it? Does she wish I would work harder at my marriage?

So I asked her last night, and luckily, she agreed with me. Whew. But wait, could it be better if we did? Couldn't be any better from my standpoint, but how would I know if I don't try?

My Own Personal Orienteering

We all need, or should have, a person who serves as a moral compass to help guide us in our decisions in life. For me, that person was always my dad. Would dad approve of and be proud of my decision on some matter?

This morning I realized that Trev - 9 years old today - is now that person for me. Well, and my dad too.

Not yet in the 100-125 demographic

I like reading about guys that live to age 113 before they die. Then I can say I'm not yet middle aged.

People I know, who I wish would start a blog

Colleen Finzel
Gwennie and/or Andy McMahon
Martin Bradfield
Dean Bratis
David Lee

Go ahead give me yours, and I'll give you one.

If I were ever to open a Bar, i would call it The "Guy Walks Into A" Bar, and anyone who could tell me a Guy walks into a bar joke or a variation thereof that i'd never heard before, i'd give him his first drink for free.

My favorite is Evelyn's:

Two guys walk into a bar. Wouldn't you think one of them would have seen it before walking into it?

What's black and white and not red all over?

I wonder if you have to read the newspapers to know that no one reads the newspapers anymore?

But then maybe I'm just a lesbian trapped in a man's body

It struck me today after hearing about two lesbians walking down the street, wearing pins that said "Yes, we're lesbians, and no, you can't watch" (cute) that one of the very few paradoxes about us men, who usually are easily defined by their/our interest in food, f*cking, farting and football (OK, for me, I'd substitute baseball for football and beer for farting) is that they/we get excited at the idea of watching two women do to each other exactly what they/not we! themselves don't like to do with our women: engage in extended foreplay.

Things I wish I'd said

"Water is air, only juicier. "

Esteemed author (only of college creative writing papers...so far!), Becca Griesemer wrote that. It's so good. But maybe it's just because i like things that are juicy...well, except maybe for juice. I'm not too crazy about juice.

Seeking and avoiding the George in all of us

I was sitting in a Quaker Memorial Service on Saturday for a man named George and was reveling in all the amazingly wonderful messages people were sharing about him, especially considering that George, whom I didn't know terribly well, suffered from some personality disorders and while an incredibly intelligent man, could also apparently be a very difficult friend to have. The gathered crowd made no attempt in their spoken messages to hide what everyone there knew about him and made passing reference to the challenge of being his friend, but took great care to emphasize all the best things about him as well. And I was so impressed by the loving, intelligent people with whom I was surrounded. They seemed to be all the same people who had been to all the previous memorial services I'd been to, fully of loving, caring messages about the deceased. And I was reveling in their love and thoughtfulness and wondering why there aren't more people like that in the world, when I realized that these are also the same people who, when I get back out in my car on the highway, going 64 in a 55 mph zone, will be flying up behind me, blinking their lights at me, or not letting me in when I try to merge or taking my parking space if I don't get there first. I think there is a bigger message in what I realized, but I'm not sure what it is yet. But it did strike me that that duality in all of us was apparently most evident in George himself, who could be both the best of friends to have, and the worst as well.

Just don't open your mind so much that stuff falls out!

I wish I had been more willing to try new experiences and to open my mind (see post below) to things I never considered when I was younger. I never took things like yoga, TM, or even reiki (if i'd have heard of it before I met Cheryl, that is) seriously when I was younger, but I now realize I was so wrong about them. Now I wonder what else I may be missing. And don't tell me I should try being a conservative! I have my limits.

You probably think you know the answers to these, but I'm a better judge of that than you, and you can't convince me otherwise

Two things people would answer "Yes" to, when they should say "No":

1 - Are you a good judge of people?

I used to think I was a good judge of people until a close friend and idol of mine went to jail for conspiracy to commit triple murders and then another friend was discovered, by me, to have stolen a half million dollars from the company we worked for at the time.

2 - Are you open-minded?

I think people are open-minded about things they don't yet have an opinion on, but not so much on things they've already made up their mind about. When is the last time YOU had your mind changed by someone?

Things they never taught us in health class

One day, as I sat down in Quaker Meeting for Worship, these thoughts all suddenly came roaring into my head, about the joys of, well, you know what I'm talking about:

You can do it alone, or with anyone really, but doing it with the person you love makes it way more meaningful.

Some people like to talk during it, some people always do, some never do but most people make that decision when they're in the moment, maybe depending on what they're thinking about.

Sometimes while you're doing it, you wonder why. It's not doing anything for you, you're just not really feeling it and you can't wait til it's over. And you wonder what the big deal is that makes so many people so enamored of it.

Sometimes it doesn't feel exactly right when you start, but once you're into it, it feels like the greatest thing in the world and you wonder why it's been so long since you did it. You remember again why you love it so much and why you should do it way more often than you've been doing it lately.

Sometimes you feel obliged to do it, because your spouse is in the mood. Sometimes even when you're in the mood but your spouse isn't, you either don't do it, or you do it alone anyway.

Sometimes when you haven't done it for awhile you feel like you're gonna explode if you don't do it soon.

Of course, I'm talking about Meeting for Worship, but like I said at the start, you probably already knew what I was talking about.

But still not as bad as the past 8 years

When reporters asked President Obama how bad our financial crisis is at last night’s press conference, Obama should have paraphrased:

Dr. Peter Venkman:
This (country) is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions!
Mayor:
What do you mean "biblical"?
Dr. Raymond Stantz:
What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor. Real wrath of God type stuff! Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler:
Forty years of darkness, earthquakes, and volcanos!
Winston Zeddemore:
The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman:
Human sacrifices, dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!

Come to think of it, I didn't know anyone named Bunny the first 40 years either

Our friend Bunny Trowbridge recently sent me this email about an upcoming weekend where I have a conflict between my 35th (!) high school reunion (being held primarily at our house), a Land Trust Conference that I would like to go to and a Springsteen concert:

"WOW, all that energy in your direction…there must be some type of harmonic convergence that weekend. I’d say you’re in for a great weekend however you look at it! That will be a time to be fully “aware”, because something is happening."

First let me say that for the first 40 or so years of my life there was almost no chance of anyone sending me an email that said those things, but second, I find myself not wanting any harmonic convergences or "somethings" to happen in my life, and I don't know if it's because I'm getting old or because I like my life exactly how it is, thank you, and don't need "something" to happen!

And that is also not something I would have said to myself the first 40 or so years of my life, when I often found myself singing from West Side Story "Something's coming, I don't know, what it is, but it is, gonna be greaaaaat!"

(And I was right about that, by the way...tho it sure took long enough!)